New Year? No Fear.

You know that feeling you sometimes get at the end of a day, the feeling that wells up inside of you of either uselessness, inadequacy or just pure helplessness? Well, they all have one thing in common: fear. A fear of not being needed. A fear of not ever being 'good enough'. A fear of not knowing what to do next. I myself have begun struggling with these three things more in the past few months just because of where I am in life. High school's no walk in the park, even more so when the end seems to be looming up before me. Some people view me as having it all together, that I'm some sort of superior person with my few talents and blessed life. This assumption makes me laugh while in my mind I'm saying 'yeah right! if you only knew-'. It's true that I have been blessed beyond my imagination by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but it also says in His word,

"...For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required..."(Luke 12:48)

no pressure right? Not that God is saying he doesn't expect great things from those who have less, but if He has blessed me with more than just one talent I should put it to good use to further His kingdom. The big question though is, HOW? Which right now is the killer for me because I have no idea. I'm the kind of person who likes to always know what is going on around me, I like to know where everyone is going and when, what we're going to have for dinner, what I will do with a friend. And we wont always know what God's plan for our life is, or understand how current circumstances will work into those plans. Oh, I have my own dreams and aspirations, sure, but giving those up to God whom I can't see and trusting Him with my future? that's hard for me, particularly since I love sight. I love to visualize and study things, obviously this is why I greatly enjoy photography.

"There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the LORD'S council- that will stand."- Prov. 19:20

I have read this certain verse multiple times, but just recently I began to see another side of it as well. It's saying that no matter what you do or plan on doing it's all part of His ultimate plan for your life; when all is said and done it's still God's will that will come to pass. To me at least, this is a huge comfort. I don't have to know where my life will go after I graduate, I don't have to know right this minute what and if I will attend collage. God planned all of that long before I was born and there is nothing I can or wont do that will hinder it.

I'm good at quite a few things. I'm not bragging, I'm just repeating in general what people have commended me on. I can run relatively fast, write semi-intriguing stories, make diverting crafts, take (sometimes) stimulating pictures and draw well enough as to know what it is. But to what ends? So what? does any of that have lasting value? Honestly, will it really matter in the end that I made a cool graham-cracker house last year? I'm inclined to say no. But nonetheless I know God has a reason for me doing and using these skills. But who said, being somewhat naturally good at something is easy? Whether your really good at math and called a brainiac, good in band and called a geek, school and called a nerd, etc.

"...All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

Every single person has strengths AND weaknesses at certain things in life. Don't ever feel like you are at the bottom-of-the-barrel (so to speak). I'm terrible at math or algebra or whatever you want to call it, I have acquired a bleak and hateful view of it and that has hampered whatever little bit of interest i found in it at first. It doesn't matter exactly what it is you're not good at, if you start dwelling on everything you can't do you are just headed for indifference and bitterness at what talents you DO possess and maybe lose sight of them altogether. This is perfectly symbolized in Matthew 25:21-28:

"He also who had received two talents came and said, ‘Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ ²³ His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’

But then, see what happens to the next servant:

“Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’ “But his lord answered and said to him, ‘You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest."

The servant didn't use the talent for anything of any use. (yes they are talking in terms of money or 'talents' but the image painted here is about the gifts that God has given you to utilize for His glory) So don't bury your own talents under a mountain of inadequacy or bitterness that you don't have someone else's talents. God gave each of us the talents that he wanted us to have, he didn't just throw them around, they are specially chosen. Even if you aren't really sure what they are exactly, that just means there is more room for God to put into you whatever he pleases WHEN He pleases.

When it seems like all the 'good' you do has no lasting meaning just remember- God can work with what we deem uselessness and turn it into something life-changing for someone else. The kicker? we probably wont even know when this happens, but that's the beauty of how God works. Besides it's not of our own volition that we do anything slightly good, its only though Him. If we live life to the fullest THROUGH GOD ALONE, in the end, that's all that will matter.